i know i'm damaged goods
i know i'm not everything you want
i know i'm faded curtains
the crack in your bathing font
i know you think i'm too old
i know i'm too human, too young
i know i'm plain next to you
the song better left unsung
i know i'm too passionately adverse
to be anything to you but a curse
i know i'm only making the situation worse
i know all this, and still i can't stop
this thirst
i know i'm damaged goods
i know i'm not anything you need
i know i'm broken windows
in your beautiful garden, the only weed
i know you think i'm too young
i know i'm too headstrong, too old
i know i'm clutter in your studio
the pi
It would be so much easier to just not care
To not have to feel this sinking in my chest
It would be far fucking better not to stare
Not to wonder why you like her best
But I guess that\'s just not me at all
I guess I\'m relegated to this place
Where all I want to do is get on my knees and crawl
If it means that a smile from me lights up your face
When the hell will I get my turn to shine
When will I no longer be just a friend
Forgive me as I sit here and opine
I\'ll bring this shitty poem to an end.
You wanted to know who I am
So, this is me being heartbroken
This is me reduced to tears
This is me drowning in glory
This is me not believing my ears
This is me, disheartened, lost
This is me after all those years
This is me listening to you
This is me confronting my fears
And this is me when you left
This is me when you said goodbye
This is me when you said not to wait
This is me when you said not to cry
This is me when I tried to be good
This is me when you said don\'t even try
This is me when I believed your every word
This is me when I realized your lie
And this is me when I saw your face
This is me when I watched you g
in an alcohol-induced daze
i wonder what to do
i try to figure out a way
to get through to you
it\'s not easy to do nothing
even harder to act out
but i don\'t want to tell anyone
and i don\'t want to sit and pout
i\'m sick of whining and complaining
i\'m sick of the annoyed glares
i\'m sick of being alone
and i\'m sick of seeing all these pairs
so, for now, i\'ll just write
and fantasize about you
i\'ll wonder when you and i
stop being one and one and become two
it\'s gotten to be too much to bear
i seriously am going insane
because everyone seems so happy
and i am indescribable
if i ever started to believe that things would go right
i\'d have you there
pushing me down
drowning me in my failures
yes, i know, i\'ve disappointed you
but if you\'re pissed about that
take a number
you\'re not the only one who had high hopes
that were dashed with a word
an action
an inaction
a decision
so if you can\'t live with this right now
i\'m sorry
i\'m sorry to have upset your life
i\'m sorry to have let you down so
i\'m sorry that nothing i do ever measures up
i\'m incredibly sorry for being m
someday things will change
someday everything will be alright
someday I\'ll understand everything
someday he\'ll see me for what I\'m worth
someday I won\'t be second best
someday I won\'t be the consolation prize
someday I\'ll shine
but not today
obviously, for God\'s sakes, not today
I could change who I am
but then you\'d still bitch and complain
I could change what I feel
but I think that might be a task beyond me
so instead, I\'ll sit here
alone
waiting for someday.
i guess it\'s not really fair of me
to keep demanding so much
no one really understands where i\'m at
so i sit here and watch
undergrads
and wonder how much better things would be
back at home
now that i\'m here, home has changed places
home is where we used to be
home is where you kissed Kieran
home is where we went driving and cranked the tunes
home is where one nameless crush after another
flummoxed me and annoyed you, i\'m sure
but rest assured, once we get back there
home will be where my sisters and family are
home will be where my dog is
home will be where i sat and chatted with you for hours
home will be where i have
She was really beginning to piss me off, but I couldn\'t do anything. Everyone else loved her- the perfect cheerleader, daughter, student. No one knew her like I did. No one knew what she was capable of.
One day, I guess it was Monday, she came home and bragged about how she\'d slept with her best friend\'s guy. I was disgusted, but I kept my mouth shut. Didn\'t want her to guess what I was up to.
Yes, it was premeditated.
Finally, I was pushed over the edge on Wednesday. She was going on and on about how she was drunk the previous night. I tried to tune her out, but her voice seemed to self-adjust every time I could ignore her.
God, I ha
This feeling inside me can\'t last
At least, I hope to god it doesn\'t
There\'s something about this feeling
that gives it an eternal ring
the idea that nothing else endures
half as long as it will
as it slowly smothers me
and dries my tears
on it\'s hot breath of need
i wonder
if it isn\'t the answer
what the hell is it?
sometimes it seems so easy not to care
so easy to turn a blind eye
and sometimes i drown in the intricacies of life
the pain others feel
the joy people take in sunshine
the way dogs play in the snow
the tears of a jilted lover
these things are usually commonplace
generally i take them for granted
but no
As I advance into snow that seems to be falling backward into time past,
I am reminded of what I have.
I have heartache and loneliness
I have bad knees
I have a penchant for the undiscovered ways in which I can berate myself
I have life
However difficult this life at times seems
It is mine to live
Is anybody wasting tears on me?
Save them for the times when the night is darkest
The air thickest
And the pain sharpest
Don\'t fear loneliness
Embrace it
For it is in the darkest recesses of our minds
That we discover the basics of human nature
Our desires and weakness define others
As surely as experiences form knowledge
CARPE D
yep, been awhile. Oh well. I'll try to be on more, just for one hidden life. hahahaha.
I'll be adding mostly photography for awhile, maybe some writing, we'll see. Must head'er in to work now!
I love the new layout. Holy crap have I been away for awhile.
And I'm gonna be gone again just as quick!
My little sister's moving to Mexico and I'm going with my mom to move her in, so I'll be gone for a coupla weeks. See y'all later!
~M
My sister and I have started a band. She sings and does all the musical stuff and I write the lyrics. We were bored Sunday night and this is - apparently - what happens when we're bored. Horrible recordings of ridiculous songs.
http://www.myspace.com/krisissahochelle
if *you're* bored.
hehehe. And also? Still don't have a new power supply for my computer, so I still have the fan aimed at the innards. Fantastic? Fantastic.
p.s. you are not allowed to make a mass post like that again! it took me 45 minutes to go through them! and i haven't even looked at the entire gallery!